Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Uncle Jesse

A fancyboi since my youth, I've long been inspired to tap into disparate elements of couture and mold something beautiful and novel.  Something deserving of the word synergy.  The tenuous dialectic of the feminine and the masculine, the complex beauty of wearing Kareem Abdul-Jabar-inspired goggles in a 2nd grade rec basketball game.  Or using product on my hair at the precocious age of 10, to style my patented "flipwave" doo in the mold of Zack Morris.   O Zack!  A gentleman of color, a gentleman of diverse talent and foray.  I applaud u sir.  And so yes, yes even at the precocious age of 10 I knew that he was unlike other fancybois  - he was a fancyboi that I could admit in the dark, nadir moments of a slumberparty to having looked up to.  "Yes, I watch Saved by the Bell" I would admit aloud in the safe confines of a friend's basement.  "Me too!" a cracked voice cutting swath of silence and snore "Me too and I also own an Ace of Base cassette tape."

Yes Zack Morris is pure fop.  A charismatic leader in Weber's archetype.  Debonair and entrepreneur.  A true role model ... But Uncle Jesse?!???  What is this fancyboi?  Can I even admit to watching Full House at a sleepover after shotgunning Jolt Cola and eating handfuls of ice cream cake, let alone actually liking Uncle Jesse?  He smells redolent of the poser odor typical of dandies.  His band merely a front to collect bevies of unassuming women.  His prodigious mounds of hair mousse.  And most obv using the Tanner girls as pickup material.  He is the most contrived of all fancybois - the outward badboy with a heart of gold, o_oo girl lemme tell u about my real self he remarks during pillow talk, let me tell u this.  Yes his fancy is a posture, not a display of his visceral will.  You have been deemed dandy Uncle Jesse u milquetoast !!

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